14 Nisan 2014 Pazartesi

First Draft - Cause Effects 1

                      OKAN ŞAHİN
14.04.2014
THE EFFECTS OF ENVIRONMENT ON CHILDREN’S LIFE

      The most important difference that separates people from other organisms is a social being. People live in the community, society influences and are influenced by him. Their behaviours are shaped by the impact of the social environment. Therefore, the effects of environment on children’s life can be seen by observing the effects of parents, teachers, and friends.
     
       The effects of parents must be studied to see how children are affected by environment. The behaviour of parents towards children determines the location of children not only in family but also in society. When they trust and support their children, children have a good character. They don’t hesitate and have concerns fail when faced with a new situation. On the other hand, overprotection or too much attention prevents the development of children. They feel themselves vulnerable in some places where there is no parent. Therefore, they have difficulty in getting used to the school environment.

        The effects of teachers must be studied to see how children are affected by environment. Having a healthy personality of children, the role of the teacher is very great. But, teachers must follow some things to educate students on the desired character and personality. For example, in relationship with student, love should be foundation. Students want to close with a teacher trying to understand themselves. They begin to like courses. Then there is not an antisocial behaviour in the school.

           The effects of friends must be studied too see how children are affected by environment. When we observe friendship, we see that more positive effects. For example, it teaches cooperation and sharing. Additionally, it facilitates setting goal and making decision. On the other hand, the negative effects of wrong choice of friends are also seen. For instance, wrong friend cause a person to find bad habits. After that, these habits affect a person’s whole life.

            In conclusion, we can see the effects of environment easily on children’s life. Because children’s behaviours are shaped by environment, it should be thoroughly investigated. I think that families should be educated about these issues. After that, people develop in a healthy way. It should be noted that education of people will affect the whole society.



OUTLINE
Thesis statement: Therefore, the effects of environment on children’s life can be seen by observing the effects of parents, teachers, and friends.
1. The effects of parents
 a. Determining the location of the children
   - Trusting and supporting
   - Hesitation
  b. Overprotection or too much attention
   - Feeling vulnerable
   - Difficulties
2. The effects of teachers
  a. The role of teacher
   - Something must be followed
   - Relationship with student
  b. Trying to understand
   - Beginning to like courses
   - Antisocial behaviour
 3. The effects of friends
   a. Positive effects
    - Cooperation and sharing
    - Setting goal and making decision
   b. Negative effects
    - Bad habits
    - Effects of habits

Conclusion ….

3 yorum:

  1. 1-) People live in the community (article)(paragraph 1, line 2)

    2-) When they trust and support their children, children have(wrong word) a good character. (paragraph 2, line 5)

    3-) They don’t hesitate and have concerns fail when faced with a new situation. (punctuation- do not use abbreviations when you write) (paragraph 2, line 5)

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  2. 1)When we observe friendship=> There is something missing like possesive adjective or you can do plural 'friendships'
    2)...to find bad habits. => You can use a better verb. Like 'to fall into bad habit' ..(http://tureng.com/search/al%C4%B1%C5%9Fkanl%C4%B1k%20edinmek)

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  3. 1) People live in the community, society influences and are influenced by him ---> wrong pronouns
    2) But, teachers must follow some things to educate students on the desired character and personality.---> You shouldn't use "but" like that.
    3) Then there is not an antisocial behaviour in the school.---> punctuation

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